This is an ongoing journey of honoring my voice as I heal from trauma. It is my witness to the world of my healing and my struggles to heal.

Healing from PTSD has taken so many forms. In addition to creating a voice for myself in the Internet world I also:

  1. Told my whole community far and wide that I had PTSD and how I needed support.
  2. Committed to telling my community, and then told my community, each time I was deeply in trauma and could not pull myself out of the muck.
  3. Threatened a restraining order against an abusive ex-partner when she was stalking me. Bought pepper spray.
  4. Joined the Women’s Intelligence Project.
  5. Came out as genderqueer to myself and those safest to me.
  6. Heal in relationship with my community by entering into conflict with them when I triggered myself with some of their actions, and experiencing their love flowing at me, their response-not-reaction, and their compassion-not-abuse.
  7. Enrolled in trauma therapy. Was successful at finding an effective and non-abusive therapist on the fourth try and eight months into therapy. Took a lot of time off as I needed. Used EMDR to heal my PTSD.
  8. Ecstatic Dance with deep intimate soul connections.
  9. Go into nature. Celebrate nature.
  10. Go on long walks and celebrate the seasonal passage of times. Say hello to the new plants.
  11. Mindfully eat. Say hello to the cloud in my plants.
  12. Live with a loving, trauma-informed witch who transfers healing energy with me.
  13. Practice Qi Gong.
  14. Meditate and deeply share and listen and connect with a beautiful Buddhist community in the teachings of Thich Nhat Hanh.
  15. Meditate by myself.
  16. Practice feeling the impermanence of my body through time and space in this universe, as taught to me by Thich Nhat Hanh in the book No Death, No Fear.
  17. Attended a good friend’s consent and somatic consent workshops and practiced saying “No!” to safe people until I stopped feeling fear.
  18. Honored my ancestors moving through me when I needed protection.
  19. Cover my skin with a blanket of my own love when I pick my skin.
  20. Vow to always treat myself like I am my own best friend, treat myself like I am The One.
  21. Experience sexual healing of the divine feminine.
  22. Dance burlesque.
  23. Play with my sex positivity while honoring the abusive relationships and abusive power dynamics that I have already survived.
  24. Stick with myself first and foremost when I dissociate.
  25. Stick with myself when I am suicidal. Rest. Tell my community.
  26. Take long baths and watch Parks and Recreation on Netflix over and over and applaud myself for being lazy.
  27. Take part in social justice movements and experience the liberation of self when fighting for the liberation of others.
  28. Honor my PTSD when I cannot participate in social justice in person.
  29. Free myself from the chains of shame. Shame is a waste of my time.
  30. Be loud about my healing and give it a voice. Honor that my healing allows space for others to heal as well.
  31. Free myself of internalized capitalism. Donate to individuals  organizations that aren’t nonprofits but whose values drive my values.
  32. Write poetry. Record my voice.
  33. Paint. Take photos and post.
  34. Drum.
  35. Yell No! when I’m by myself. Sometimes in public. When it feels right, I yell Yes! too.
  36. Dance down the street.
  37. Sing loudly in the street.
  38. Celebrate my divine masculine and my divine feminine and all that I am.

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